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Joke of the Day

"I'm Scottish and my son is marrying a Jewish girl. I'm afraid their kids will leave me penniless."

"Is a pamphlet just a smaller pamph? What the heck is a pamph? People make no sense."

"What does a vampire drink while on a diet? Blood Light."

"What pokemon would you catch in Antarctica? Freezing."

"What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down-And possibly use a lubricant."

"I've been working on a new type of martial arts that involves the taking of money from Hispanics. TakeJuan'sdough."

"I don't really like coffee It's just not my cup of tea"

"I also like my coffee like I like my women ...ground up and in the freezer"

"[doctors exam] ""I'm feeling a lump here. Here's another. You have several lumps."" -uh oh, what does that mean doc? ""it means you're fat"""

"Don't play with a girl's heart she only has one play with her tits, she has two of those."