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Joke of the Day

"How many dwarves does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two; one to hold the bulb and the other to serve him beer until the room starts spinning."

"woodpecker What did the woodpecker say to the doughnut? You got the sweetest hole I ever stuck my pecker in."

"If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knees to chest damnit! KNEES TO CHEST"

"Girls get so turned on when you take charge. Grab her hair and tell her she needs a shampoo with no harsh sulfates and a new lip stain."

"Q: What do you call a white, poofy space alien? A: Martianmallow."

"My sex life is like Santa Claus. -Why? Doesn't it exists? -No, it exist, because of naive 6 yo kids.."

"I wonder if my son's packed lunch tastes like the flavorless chore that it is."

"Hi mom, we shot the new Hobbit movie today. I'm orc #56, the one accidentally wearing a watch. The director was really mad."

"What does an author have after they get abdominal surgery? A semi-colon"

"My brother's joke I went to the zoo the other day and there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu!"