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Joke of the Day

"If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knees to chest damnit! KNEES TO CHEST"

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"What did the teen say when she found out she was pregnant? ""My mom is gonna kill me!"" What did the fetus say when the teen found out she was pregnant? "" My mom is gonna kill me!"""
"I like how commercials for gum seem to be predicting a cold, dystopian future where our survival depends on the freshness of our breath."
"How many Chuck Norris' does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, no light bulb dare go out in the presence of Chuck Norris."
"What happens if you spin an oriental person around really fast for an extended period of time? They become disoriented."
"Why do the French not pronounce ""h"" at the beginning of words? *with a French accent* Because they hate it."
"GOP Moves To Block Obama From Naming Scalia Successor.... They believe a black president only gets 3/5ths of a term"
"""Frequently Asked Questions"" is the most cheerfully passive-aggressive page of any website."
"With the money I found in the dryer, the girl in me says buy chocolate and candy, but the adult in me says buy beer, chocolate and candy."
"I once entered ten puns in a comedy competition hoping one would win. But, no pun in ten did."