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Joke of the Day

"The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work."

"What do you call a will? a dead giveaway"

"I heard William Shatner and Stevie Nicks are getting married. She's decided on a double barrelled name Stevie Shatner-Nicks"

"""Hey Frosty, calm down on the snacks. You're getting fat. Check out this six pack! You could do laundry on it!"" - the Abdominal Snowman"

"My cousin is having trouble with the mods on Reddit... ...he's my cousin twice [removed]"

"Why do Apes like tall buildings? They want to climb the heights of the business world!"

"How do Helen Keller's parents punish her? Glue doorknobs to the walls."

"Did you hear about the court ruling on the grammar Nazi who did the double-murder? He got a compound sentence."

"Boss: ""Are you texting?"" Me: ""No, I'm Tweeting."" Boss: ""What's the difference?"" Me: ""Texting would imply that I have friends."""

"How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? You suck his dick."