9906

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in? They had to pay the jockey overtime!"

"What is the last thing you eat before you die? You bite the dust."

"This is why I failed out of collage."

"How many Americans does it take to screw a lightbulb? None. Their President outsources the job to India."

"EVERYONE FREEZE THIS IS A ROBBERY! ""What's that?"" It...it's a sawed-off shotgun. ""Aren't you supposed to use the other half?"" ...shit."

"Japanese boy kills his grandfather... Pfft, youth in Asia."

"hey girl, are you into adopting animals? Because I will probably pee in your bed and run away"

"her: psssssssst me: ? her: psssssssssssssssssssssst me: ??? her: psssssssssssssssssssssssssssst GOD DAMN IT, MY BLOW UP DOLL HAS A PUNCTURE"

"Why isn't there a Superpig? It's too hard for a pig to change clothes in a telephone booth."

"Bully: ""Hey, four eyes!"" Me: ""Don't you mean... fork eyes?"" [Turns around. Stabs bully with forks tied to glasses. Becomes class president.]"