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Joke of the Day

"Love voicemails from my grandma that start with ""hello?....HELLO??..."" and end with her trying to dial another number."

"I ordered the chick on page 3 in the Victoria's Secret catalog... But all they sent me was her underwear."

"Thank you student loans for helping me get through college and for all that you've done for me! I don't know how I'll ever repay you."

"Sir, the breadsticks are limitless, not unlimited. You only get one but its potential as a breadstick knows no bounds."

"Banning us to the couch is not as bad as you believe it is ladies. It makes us feel manly. Like we're camping. With an angry bear close by."

"If your'e anxious and you know it..... ...clasp your hands."

"Guys whose fathers left when they were young always complain about how they never had someone to ""teach them how to shave"" but it's easy... You start at the ankle and work your way up!"

"Roses are Red - Good poem for your ex's Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you."

"I could be a stripper if guys want to see a girl get stuck trying to take off her turtleneck followed by an on-stage panic attack."

"So this dude is like, ""Where are you going with all that Element 83?"" and I was like ""None of your bismuth"""