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Joke of the Day

"So this dude is like, ""Where are you going with all that Element 83?"" and I was like ""None of your bismuth"""

"I hate control freaks. They never listen to me."

"*wife wonders where I am in the store* *hears glass shatter* *knows where I am*"

"I always wanted to be a plumber when I grew up but in the end it was just a pipe dream."

"What is the greatest sport in the history of the Olympics? Discus(s). [I think this works better verbally...]"

"This joke didn't just happen by chance It was punintentional"

"As soon as he clicked on the title... ...he realized that someone was narrating him while he was browsing reddit. He chuckled and left an upvote, ready to read some more reposted jokes."

"My mother is displeased with me. In other shocking news, water is wet and the sun is bright."

"I tried to learn how to drive a stick shift but I couldn't locate the manual."

"Whats the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I wouldn't pay fifty bucks for a lentil on my chest."