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Joke of the Day

"If your'e anxious and you know it..... ...clasp your hands."

"How do they perform abortions at Hogwarts? Fetus Deletus"

"What do Bud Light and having sex in a canoe have in common? They're both fucking close to water."

"Did you hear about the French chef who committed suicide? He lost the huile d'olive"

"My New Years resolution would have been to stop procrastinating so much Except I never got around to writing that one down..."

"Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa? I thought he didn't care about the 1%"

"How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites? They take a gallop poll!"

"When Mr Maxwell's wife left him he couldn't sleep. Why was that? She had taken the bed."

"Why did the cold war last so long? The US couldn't stop Stalin."

"Stop saying ""11/11/11"" only happens once in a lifetime. EVERY date only happens once in a lifetime. That's how time works."