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Joke of the Day
"The Black Death was the best disease. Any attempts to replicate it are just plague-iarism."
Next Joke
"Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes, but they don't have any matches or lighters. What do they do? They throw one cigarette overboard and the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter."
"""I missed you so much!"" I shout as I run past my wife's open arms and jump into my bed."
"How would you call Hitler if he was a musician ? DJ Nocide."
"Q: What do cats like to eat on a hot day? - A: Mice cream"
"When an artist covers another artist's song, it's flattering. When a comedian tells another comedian's joke, it's Carlos Mencia"
"I worry a $15 min wage will hurt the long-term viability of my small business where I sell expired milk to people I went to high school with"
"Contest in Girls College About Sex and Mystery Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery. Winner's story: ""Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it."""
"Why is there no volume control on the microwave? Must it always wake the entire house when I'm trying to quietly nuke the last of the pizza?"
"UFO conspirators believe theres been an invasion... ... They have reported an incredibly high amount of aliens at California DMV's."