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Joke of the Day

"UFO conspirators believe theres been an invasion... ... They have reported an incredibly high amount of aliens at California DMV's."

"I like my science like I like my penises: hard."

"A piece of fruit held up a bank and stole some money. It was a strobbery."

"Me: so what are you wearing sexy? Collection agency: umm...we'll just call back tomorrow"

"What are the man with no shoes say when he was forced to walk on broken glass? Fuck"

"There's 3 things I hate about r/jokes people who think they know the punchline and misleading titles."

"When is a door not a door? When it's ajar"

"So I introduced my new girlfriend to my family Everyone seemed to like her except for my wife"

"*wakes up w/phone in hand* Me:[texting] Sorry I fell asleep on ya last night *text chime* Couch: I'm like right here why are you texting me?"

"What is the difference between brown nosing and butt kissing? Depth Perception!"