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Joke of the Day

"Do you know what i did the first time i got a boner? Went outside. I didn't know how big it would get."

"What is the main reason people are voting for Brexit? When asked if they want to be economically joined with Greece, all they can say is ""eeeeuuuuuuu"""

"The less people you chill with....The less bullshit you deal with."

"""Good thing I guessed that today was probably a BYOB situation."" -me, chaperoning the kindergarten field trip"

"OMG guys just watched the news and those ""COEXIST"" bumper stickers totally aren't working :/"

"I've finally achieved my lifelong dream of becoming a stand-up comedian Thank you prosthetic legs!"

"As I dropped my child off at school today I said, be positive If the race war starts before I get back, that's your blood type"

"What gets easier to pick up the more it weighs? Women."

"Been chatting and flirting with this 14 year old chick Now she tells me she's an undercover cop. How freakin' cool is that for someone her age."

"Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired."