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Joke of the Day

"They should make it slightly less easy to ruin everything."

"What do you call a strong woman with a successful career and family life? A human being you fucking sexist."

"What Do You Call Bob The Builder When He Retires? Bob."

"What do you get when you cross a sheltie and a cantaloupe? A melon collie."

"Breast Inplants They such a silly-con"

"I usually base my religious and political beliefs on flyers and pamphlets handed to me on the street."

"Guys, when she complains about something you didn't do, tell her about the things you did do. That will make everything ok! You're welcome!"

"Fun WWI fact: There are more crashed planes down at the bottom of the ocean than- -crashed submarines in the sky."

"The revolution will be tweeted. The sunset, Instagrammed. The relationship, Facebooked. The storm, Vined."

"A baby boy was born last week with no eyelids. They used his foreskin to graft eyelids. The poor kid is now cockeyed."