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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a strong woman with a successful career and family life? A human being you fucking sexist."

"I just got fired from the calendar factory All I just did was take a day off..."

"Though he came from a long line of spoons, Sammy Spork always noticed a slight resemblance to Mom's friend Frank, the fork living next door."

"do you have any idea how fast you were going? ""no, I'm not wearing my contacts"""

"SM A Masochist walks up to a Sadist. Masochist: Hurt me. HURT ME! Sadist: No."

"Cop: What happened? Me: A Smart Car hit one of those little Fiats. Cop: Can you describe the accident. Me: Adorable?"

"Restaurant Hostess: ""Sorry about the wait."" Me: ""It's okay, you don't need to apologize for being overweight."""

"Sometimes I like to pet another dog while making eye contact with my dog. Adds just the right amount of tension to our relationship."

"In America saying you're the bomb is a compliment but... In Afghanistan it's a question."

"Billion Dollar Idea: A condom that changes color when it comes in contact with an STD."