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Joke of the Day

"Knock knock! 'Who's there?' 'To' 'To who' '*to whom' 'Kill yourself'"

"A child's purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals."

"Sochi is doing that thing where they manically try to clean the house 10 minutes before company arrives. But the house is Russia."

"A corpse walks into a bar... And asks the bartender for a lemonade. ""Of course!"" says the bartender, ""I've never seen a stiff drink!"" Courtesy of the video game Fable 3."

"What do you get if you play a C&W song backwards? Your wife back, your house back, your car back, and your dog back."

".@WebMD Should blood basically be cascading out of my nose when I look at the sun ?"

"Do not squander your short time on earth acquiring worldly possessions. Instead, try to get laid a lot."

"The question is not ""Why is Instagram not working?"", but ""Why does the world need another picture of you?"" #instagramnotworking"

"What car does Catwoman drive? A Purrgeot."

"Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I'm 100% behind you."