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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an Irish guy with no arms and no legs hanging out on your front porch? Patio Furniture."

"Just told my toddler to eat 5 bites of her dinner, to which she replied I was horrible. So I counted the number 3 twice. Biotch."

"Whenever someone is about to tell me about their day, I just cover my ears and yell ""SPOILER ALERT!"""

"Masonry work is hard There's a lot of trowel and error."

"Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter, and what do you get? Pumpkin pi."

"Did you guys hear about that guy that was stealing everyone's power? He's a real Joule thief."

"Kanye West shows up at Neil Armstrong's memorial service... and says ""Imma let you finish, but Micheal Jackson had one of the best moon walks of ALL TIME"""

"Another previously unknown dinosaur was the Thesaurus who used flowery language to confuse and disorient predators while he made his escape"

"At my local police station, the toilet was stolen The police have nothing to go on"

"I hate when I tell my girlfriend to call me when she's feeling sensible and then 2 years go by before I realize I'm probably single."