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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an Irish guy with no arms and no legs hanging out on your front porch? Patio Furniture."

"I have never seen the movie Titanic and I never plan to because a friend spoiled the ending for me The boat sinks. Credit to u/Donkey__Xote for this beautiful comment in an r/AskReddit thread"

"""Is there really a fire? Prove it."" -Mrs. Doubtfire"

"We used to have a dog with no back legs and steel balls We called him Sparky."

"Age is just a number? I stole $100 from your wallet and replaced it with a $5. Don't worry, they're just numbers."

"An old Vermonter is sitting on his porch. A New Yorker is passing by and stops to chat. He asks the old timer, ""Have you lived here all your life."" ""Not yet."""

"""Oh my god, you've gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?"" - my mother"

"Still haven't found the manly way to walk across ice."

"What's a neckbeard's favorite color? M'genta"

"Did ya hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field"