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Joke of the Day

"Just told my toddler to eat 5 bites of her dinner, to which she replied I was horrible. So I counted the number 3 twice. Biotch."

"When a chicken pukes at a party... is that called a PARTY FOWL???"

"It must have been so risky for pirates to slightly burn the edges of all their treasure maps and then dip them in tea."

"If there's 'Extra Virgin' olive oil, there has to be a 'Dirty Slut' variety as well"

"Fuck. My iPhone added a g to ""sayin'"" and now my black friends think I'm lame."

"If it exists behind a paywall, does it really exist?"

"What did Hitler eat for breakfast? Luftwaffes"

"What blood type do happy people have? B Positive."

"Ever hear the joke about the insecure comedian? ...it's okay, you probably wouldn't have liked it, anyway."

"Ah you love me that's great. Now I'll do a bunch of terrible shit because I need to be sure you love me no matter what"