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Joke of the Day

"I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer today. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

"""Tell me why I shouldn't report you to HR?"" The doctor yelled at me when I used the defibrillator wrong. ""I don't work here"" I yelled back."

"Pregnant by Jesus How come my wife never gets pregnant when Jesus screws her? Because she tells Him to come into her heart."

"AMA Request: Someone who has successfully committed suicide."

"[Knee-slappin, terrible OC] Why was the nun named ""NPN""? She was a trans-sister! *** I'm so sorry for wasting your precious mouse clicks on that god-awful joke"

"Two chimps are in the bath One says ""ooh oooh eek eek"" The other one says ""well put some cold water in then!"""

"CNN News ""Tree Falls On Bank"" Does anyone know what branch?"

"you got to be fast to make it in advertising kid. gotta be snappy. gotta be clever. how would you sell a car? thats right: titties"

"911: What's your emergency? Me: Whatcha dooooin'? 911: Sir, are you in danger? Me: *giggles* You're always so worried, but I'm fine, silly"

"What do engineers use for birth control? Their personalities"