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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend treats me like God... She shouts my name while fucking other guys"

"What is a chicken's favorite composer? Bach!"

"I tell people I broke my neck playing sports but it was actually from flicking my ponytail to unleash ancient curses."

"They should roast Tom Cruise sometime... Call it the Cruise-ifixion"

"Therapist: we need to work on YOU taking responsibility for YOUR actions Me: *pulls a flask out* WHO PUT THIS IN MY PURSE?"

"I have come up with a truly fantastic business idea for Malaysia Airlines. A new slogan! ""Leaving on a jet plane, don't know if I'll be back again."""

"lovely joke Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet."

"What has four wheels and can't support a family? A liberal arts major. I lied about the wheels."

"How many animals can you fit in a condom? A cock and a couples of hares! Source: I was told this in a bar tonight and felt the need to share it!"

"With everyone watching Democrats fight Democrats over tax cuts, now would be a great time for Republicans to have sex in airport washrooms."