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Joke of the Day

"Wife holding bank statement: What's this payment? Me: we're sponsoring a panda! W: so is this monthly? M: No, it's just for the one skydive"

"The news said a condom truck overturned, spilled its huge load and made a big mess. I don't know if it got cleaned up because I fell asleep."

"You know what's sad? 3 of my team members dying of drinking poison and the last dying of a fractured neck because he didn't drink the poison"

"I think deja vu is bullshit and this isn't the first time I've thought that."

"Why did Jon Snow go to the Apple Store? For the Watch."

"eer booze and fun!' 'Remember an alcoholic & a drunk are not the same thing at all. The alcoholic has to attend meetings."

"What do you call a knight made out of clay? Sir Amick"

"Whats a beautiful place like this doing around a girl like you?"

"What does Speedy Gonzalez keep under his carpet? Underlay! Underlay!"

"I got fired today ""what? why?"" no idea ""you have no idea?"" nope ""I'm confused when did this happen?"" between pre break break and break"