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Joke of the Day

"I literally use figuratively in literally every occasion where I am literally speaking figuratively."

"I just heard my friend suffocated working at a nescafe factory. I was worried he suffered but luckily, it was instant."

"Why do parents feel the need to hold your phone when you show them a picture?"

"what kind of pants does a monkey wear? ma-khakis"

"Don't forget to put everybody before her so she has no clue whether you really give a shit or not"

"I heard PAX and Comic Con won't be merging after all... They wanted to avoid so much.... con-fusion."

"My friends say I'm condescending... That means I talk down to people."

"I'm addicted to soap But I'm clean now"

"Hey rappers on twitter, saying ""LOL"" in every tweet is about as gangster as two dolphins sitting on a rainbow tongue kissing"

"Why did god invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt!"