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Joke of the Day

"I hate when my cat brings in a dead bird and I have to pretend I enjoy eating it so I don't hurt his feelings"

"What's a young monkey's favorite time of the school day? Rhesus."

"Six jews are in a park, two leave. How many people are left? Zero, because jews aren't people."

"My wife and I finally finished baby-proofing the house. Let's see that baby try and get in here now."

"If you think 7 years of bad luck is too much for breaking a mirror ... try breaking a condom."

"The one time I actually wanted to use the word ""duck"" in a text... and my phone autocorrects it to ""fuck"". What the duck."

"When does a fisherman offend you the most? When he's completely out of line"

"Quitting tobacco is not that hard I do it several times a year"

"When is a product with 70% less salt a bad thing? When you're buying salt."

"Life is like a box of chocolates .... ... It doesn't last as long for fat people."