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Joke of the Day

"Quitting tobacco is not that hard I do it several times a year"

"I was sitting at my desk, trying to think of a double entendre... ...but it got really hard."

"Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make... Then they call me ugly and poor."

"I guess I'm getting old. Now when I hear ""Pour Some Sugar On Me"" I think of 2 things. Who's cleaning it up and I hope we don't get ants."

"I've been staring at this bench press for 3 days now and I feel exactly the same. This ""Weight Watchers"" shit is a hoax."

"Ever since I started working out every day, I can really see a difference in how accomplished I am as a liar."

"Yesterday I burnt my food so black... ... it stole my bike."

"What browser do you use to watch porn? Bill Gates: ""Internet Explorer"" Sundar Pichai: ""Google Chrome"" Tim Cook: ""Safari"" Jared Fogle: ""Tor"""

"[barber shop] BARBER: what can we do for you today? MEDUSA: well.. [removes hat] BARBER: MEDUSA: BARBER: so do you want more or less snakes?"

"Said ""large"" today at Starbucks, and everyone starting chanting ""Venti, Venti, Venti!"" and a mass suicide occurred."