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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally dropped my girlfriends epilepsy medication in the washing machine... ...now her clothes don't fit anymore"

"Did you hear about the guy from Parks & Rec who crashed his plane? It was comic Aziz."

"Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I'm unsure of"

"Waiter: What can I get for you? Me: Steak, please. W: How would you like that cooked? M: By anyone other than my wife"

"I met a girl with 12 nipples. Sounds funny, dozen tit"

"I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning."

"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair Virgin Mobil"

"Where do you see yourself in five years? I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

"Why did the midget cross the road? Because he was getting chased by two assholes still drunk from St. Patrick's Day."

"Two handicapped men walk into a bar... PRAISE THE LORD!!"