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Joke of the Day

"Why did the midget cross the road? Because he was getting chased by two assholes still drunk from St. Patrick's Day."

"ME: I can't come in to work. My grandma died BOSS: your grandma has died 4 times this year ME: yeah she's a cat"

"There are two types of people in this world. Those that need closure."

"What is the difference between Iron man and Iron woman? Iron man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command."

"I'm confused... square box, round pizza but triangle slices."

"Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall? A: It depends how hard you throw them."

"My own ass has been talking shit... but it's just a bunch of hot air."

"I normally don't get a boner at Burger King But when I do, its a whopper."

"If you teach a Pokemon substitute.. Does that mean you're a substitute teacher?"

"I watched a porn where the guy had a thing for older women. It was a coming of age story."