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Joke of the Day

"""Keep away from children to avoid suffocation"" was the best advice I've ever received. You have to pay for that nowadays"

"A Termite Walks into a Bar and asks, ""hey, where's the bar tender?"""

"The cast of Star Wars VII just finished their first read through (spoilers) Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said ""Can I have a word?"""

"Why did the duck go to the basketball game? He heard the ref was blowing fouls!"

"What do you call a cop who doesn't shoot innocent black people? 1. Acquitted 2. Fired, retired or expired"

"Two mosquitoes were buzzing round when they saw a drunken man. One said to the other ""You bite him ? I'm driving."""

"I saw a badass preview for a new movie coming out! It said it was called ""U.S. Marines"""

"You always hear about alpha males and beta males, but I'd prefer to be a gamma male They have a higher rate of penetration..."

"What's small, purple and dangerous? A grape with a gun"

"What's a frog's favorite place on the internet. ""Reddit."""