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Joke of the Day

"The two things to remember when ur a pothead 1)U lose short term memory 2) Damn! I know there's something else"

"I was talking to my ex and she got the wrong end of the stick. The end that had been sharpened to a fine point."

"A toilet was stolen from a police station today... It's a pretty serious crime. The police have nothing to go on."

"A console gamer walks into a bar... ...only to buy a free drink for 60$ To anyone wondering this joke is not made by me but i just had to share it. Credit goes to /u/Unbiased_Bob"

"ME: I need help losing weight. I've tried everything. NARRATOR: He hadn't tried anything at all. Nothing."

"Cars should have a thing where if you drive around with your blinker on for too long, they explode."

"What's SpongeBob's worst personality trait? He's way too self-absorbent"

"White girls really love their Pumpkin Spice. Pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin spice candles, pumpkin spice president!"

"""I brought whipped butter instead of cream cheese for our bagels."" -terrorists"

"Before I go to the airport I'm going to swallow a Hot Wheels car & an action figure. Then when they scan me I'm going to act like Godzilla."