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Joke of the Day

"A toilet was stolen from a police station today... It's a pretty serious crime. The police have nothing to go on."

"My wife is like a Mermaid Below her pelvis, she smells like fish."

"According to the 25th Amendment, if the President is incapacitated, the Vice President becomes the executive producer of ""The Apprentice."""

"How is Donald Trump going to get rid of the Mexicans if elected? Pesticide"

"ok so, imagine star wars but instead of space it's brooklyn n uh instead of cool space guys, it's lena dunham complaining about stuff"

"@GaryDelaney: If you watch Benjamin Button backwards you won't be able to see anything as you'll be facing away from the television. -Gary Delaney"

"Be safe this weekend, otherwise your dumb friends will end up telling some local news reporter how you were always the ""life of the party."""

"Michael Jackson loves the holiday season It starts with Black Friday, and it ends with a White Christmas. I'll show myself out."

"What do you call a journalist in Russia? An ambulance."

"""My husband had a heart attack while having sex with me."" ""I'm so sorry, ma'am. At least he died doing what he loved."""