97998

Joke of the Day

"Sorry I can't go out. My phone is too old to hold enough charge so I live by this outlet now."

"""God is dead"" - Nietzsche ""Nietzsche is dead"" - God ""I'd like to add you to my professional network"" - LinkedIn"

"Don't send an email if you're angry. Wait a while. Have a couple of drinks. Get yourself really worked up. And then send it."

"I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. She keeps screaming some other guy's name when we have sex. Let's just hope I never come across this guy ""rape"" in a dark alley."

"I noticed that the local convent has no security around the building, so I helped myself. No fence. Nun taken."

"I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution. 3840x2160"

"WIFE: The police are at the front door ME: *hiding a bag of donuts* Do they look mad?"

"What does a communist cat say Mao"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? one's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean"

"Going down on a woman is the best. The way her thighs cover your ears so you can finally get some quiet time..."