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Joke of the Day

"I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution. 3840x2160"

"Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said: ""You're a lot like a math exam."" I replied ""Why? Because I'm long and hard?"" She said, ""No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."""

"A better name for everything bagels would be '3-5 things bagels'"

"Me? Yes, of course I have feelings! Last Sunday, for example, I dropped a piece of bacon on the floor. I just stared and cried for 18 mins"

"Life... It's just an f in lie."

"To the person that stole my copy of Microsoft Office... I will find you. You have my Word."

"Decades of video games have left me WAY too confident in my ability to break open a wooden crate."

"Turns out the ""Mac"" guy from those ""Mac and PC"" commercials is an avid Windows supporter. What a Long con."

"I just finished my first week of work at ThyssenKrupp. I'm already seeing great opportunities for upward mobility. All in all, it's been a very elevating experience."

"I am friends with 25 letters of the alphabet I don't know y"