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Joke of the Day

"""I'd do filthy things to that Princess from Star Wars"" *""What, Leia?""* ""Well obviously - but I was thinking more of a rim-job and a soapy titwank"""

"Soviet Russia In Soviet Russia, Turkey shoots you!"

"Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You're welcome."

"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care..."

"How many /r/twoxchromosomes posters does it take to change a lightbulb? Ten. 1 to screw in the lightbulb, and the other 9 to provide emotional support."

"What's the difference between your dick and your jokes? Nobody laughs at your jokes."

"If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages"

"*watching a scary movie* 7 y/o daughter: They're just people in masks, right Dad? *blankets pulled over my head* ""Sure, if you say so"""

"Sixteen sodiums walk into a bar... ...followed by Batman."

"Its supposed to be drizzy today, so expect a lil wayne."