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Joke of the Day

"Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You're welcome."

"McDonalds employees get so cranky when you perform the entire dance routine to Britney Spear's ""I'm a slave for you"" before ordering."

"TEACHER: Its report card day Timmy TIMMY: I'm scared to look. TEACHER: Don't worry. It's all B's lol *opens it & gets engulfed by bees*"

"I thought more people would laugh at my candy joke... But all I heard was a few snickers."

"Why do you never hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the ""p"" is silent..."

"Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No ideer. Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs? A: Still no ideer"

"Best pick up line in a gay bar? ""May I push your stool in?"""

"[Dr.] ""Your blood is 40% cheese, if you eat ANY more you'll die"" *slowly raises piece of cheese to mouth* ""Don't do it"" *eats cheese* *dies*"

"A man on the subway awoke to an early morning blowjob. He had left his mouth open while he was sleeping"

"I'm not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat's hair grows back."