9774

Joke of the Day

"what brand of power tool does Chris Brown use? Black and Decker."

"Why does internet explorer ask so many questions? Because it's insecure. It has trust issues."

"So apparently ""You can't tell me what to do, you're not my real dad!"" isn't of much use when dealing with armed cops."

"I love the smell of fabric softener through the outside vents when people do the laundry. I get a lot of restraining orders though."

"""It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside"" ME: Oh thank god ""It's who you are on the inside"" ME: Dang"

"[skydiving, first jump] INSTRUCTOR: everyone ready? EAGLE: yes. HAWK: check. SPARROW: ready. PENGUIN: this is a really bad idea."

"Boss left his email open. Me: *looks around, send email to district manager ""i love you"" Now we wait"

"We should all be as confident as those tiny, always-shaking dogs that aren't afraid to bark at things 50 times their size."

"Why did the number one go to jail? 187"

"Bear: *lowers sunglasses. Is it *beary* serious? Cops:...Ok that's funny but but you mauled a child so yes. You have to go back to the zoo."