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Joke of the Day

"Bear: *lowers sunglasses. Is it *beary* serious? Cops:...Ok that's funny but but you mauled a child so yes. You have to go back to the zoo."

"The worst form of Alzheimer's is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer."

"I don't remember all of last night but the fact I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome!"

"Boss rushes frantically into manager's office... ""Hey, have you been screwing my assistant?"" ""No!"" ""Great! Then YOU fire her."""

"What's the difference between Rob Ford and a circus sideshow freak? One's a fat, ugly, disturbing waste of money. The other's married to a bearded lady."

"How do you get a nun pregnant? You fuck her."

"Knock Knock. Who's there? Dragon Ball Z. Dragon Ball Z Who? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z"

"The only sexual problem I have is... I don't have sex."

"*feels painful possible cavity* *eats chocolate to feel better*"

"I think my doctor is trying to come on to me... He said I had a cute angina."