181720

Joke of the Day

"[skydiving, first jump] INSTRUCTOR: everyone ready? EAGLE: yes. HAWK: check. SPARROW: ready. PENGUIN: this is a really bad idea."

"My dad could kick ur dads ass! Um have u seen my dad Hes a big guy huh? No really have u seen him? He left when I was 9 & never came back"

"What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet! "

"You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven't f*cked off or died yet."

"Q: What's Slimy, cold, green, and smells like pork? A: Kermit the Frog's Finger"

"What is the difference between an epileptic oyster farmer and a prostitute with diarrhea? One shucks while he fits and the other one...."

"So the presidential debate is tonight. Even vegans can't stay away from this pig roast."

"Geese just call them bumps."

"When I'm bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus."

"Gay Bread What do you call a gay piece of bread? A fagguette. A fa"