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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between the armed forces and Comcast? Nobody ever says ""Thank you for your service"" to the latter."

"Why do we have 52,455,865 pictures of Grandma? -my future grandchildren probably"

"[Spelling bee, to clench victory] ""O,P... (hesitates) A,W,E,S,O,M,E."" Judges? (Opossum judges whispering for a bit) Correct."

"My gf was a virgin until recently ;) Too bad I still am."

"I was once called a racist for saying black paint Apparently the correct term is ""Tyrone, please paint the fence."""

"*gets crushed by a bus* *checks to see if phone is intact*"

"Roses are red... Our flag is too Raise your hand to the sky And gas all the jews"

"How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go bike riding?"

"4 story building in Philadelphia being demolished collapses on top of Goodwill store with 14 people inside. One dead, thirteen injured, twenty-nine taken to the hospital."

"What do you call someone who's afraid of Santa getting stuck in their chimney? Claus-trophobic."