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Joke of the Day

"Why don't math majors like to drink alcohol? Because they don't like to drink and derive."

"*shipwrecked diary* Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab Day 2: crab seems untrustworthy Day 3: CRA B LEAR N ING TO WRI TE"

"What is the greatest dilemma for a Jewish mother? She learns her son is gay, but he's dating a doctor."

"[campfire] ME: They say these trees are over 200 years old. Man, if trees could talk... TREE: Please stop burning my flesh to cook hot dogs."

"Swear words Faggot shit fuck dick nigger slut ass pussy cunt damn whitey"

"Me: Dropped my phone & now screen doesn't work. Help forum: Should've had a better case. Apparently, my mother works in Samsung support now."

"Me: oil change plz Toyota: it'll be $39 Me: cool heres my $2 off coupon 4 hrs later T: ur steering wheel fell off total is $2900 sign here"

"ONLY Justin Bieber could make doing drugs look not cool..."

"My brother in law won't go to Hooters with me tonight because his wife is ""having a baby."" #lame"

"Every summer I go to Grammar Camp we discuss creative ideas and pitch our new tense."