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Joke of the Day
"Skyped my dad today and had a great conversation with his forehead and nose hairs..."
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"[Whole Foods] ME: Hi CLERK: Hello ME: Do you...uh CLERK: Do we what? ME: Do you have any...uh CLERK: Go on ME: Do you have any Half Foods?"
"Why is 6 afraid of 7? 'Cause 7 was a Registered Sex Offender."
"What did the duck say to the avacado? guac guac"
"How are cats like empty wine bottles? I'm probably gonna die surrounded by both."
"Which 3 words will make a mexican tremble in fear ? Round of 16"
"Very tired of the NSA reading my tweets and not retweeting them."
"Why couldn't Cauchy lose any weight? Because every time he saw a street pole he imagined two pies."
"What's Mike Tyson's favorite Scarlett Johansson film? Luthy."
"Sometimes when I say ""I'm OK"", what I really want is for someone to give me a hug, say ""You're not OK"" and hand me $10,000."