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Joke of the Day

"The 3-year-old just held up some paper and said: ""Daddy, I'm reading the newspaper!"" Kids love dinosaurs."

"1) Put index and thumb together. 2) Place them where nose meets forehead. 3) Close eyes. 4) Sigh. 5) Check to see if person still talking."

"Cop pulled me over said ""papers"" I replied with ""scissors, I win"" and drove off. Now I'm doing hard time on the rock."

"It's all shits n' giggles... Until someone giggles and shits."

"What's a clown's favorite thing to eat? Really anything that's heavy enough to beat somebody to death with, such as a motorcycle helmet or a cannonball."

"How come if you eat two cookies you gain 3 lbs. Then when you take a major dump, you don't lose anything?"

"I'll play duck-duck-goose and give all gooses. I don't give a duck."

"Which tornadoes are the most refreshing? F5 tornadoes."

"A guy walks into a bar... A guy walks into a bar and asks ""Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?"". The bartender replies ""No we only have plain."""

"My relationship status: Waiting for a miracle."