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Joke of the Day

"You have no idea how happy I get when phone rings and it's you. the microwave beeps and the food is ready."

"Something interesting on the late Ms. Dawn Brancheau *DARK* Did you hear her eyes were blue? Yeah, one blew this way, one blew that way.."

"If Hitler was alive today and had his own hotel, he would charge for wifi."

"An Owl and a Squirrel are sitting in a tree watching a farmer mow the lawn.... ...The Owl says nothing because Owls can't talk, the Owl then eats the Squirrel because it's a bird of prey."

"Jihad balloons are my favorite They blow themselves up"

"I recently visited Japan It was great until I confused Kabuki with Bukake. Slightly messier and more dudes...which is odd cause I thought Kabuki is an all male thing."

"I thought about another woman while having sex with my wife so to make up for it... I thought of my wife while having sex with another woman."

"99 times out of ten, I'm making shit up."

"What's the difference between a guitar and an elevator? I didn't expose myself inside a guitar this morning."

"Eating spicy food is like expressing your love to someone who has no interest in you... you always get burned in the end."