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Joke of the Day
"My jokes aren't bad People I tell them to are just laughtose intolerant"
Next Joke
"When and why did the yam farmer get up? For a yam."
"Me: Wow, you're glowing. Her: Aaaaww, thank you! Me: No, like radioactive... Her: . . . Me: Tone down the filters?"
"What if the pilgrims had shot a Bobcat instead of a Turkey? (NSFW) We'd be eating pussy for Thanksgiving!"
"Ja Rule's music is just like his taxes No one can remember the last time he released anything."
"I've started an elimination diet, It's where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet."
"I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target today and, long story short, I'm covering for Debbie this weekend."
"Him: What are you doing? Me: Tweeting. Him: Gah. Such a colossal waste of time. Me: *stare* Him: *goes back to playing Candy Crush*"
"Coworker: Do you have good taste in music? Me: I can only taste things I put in my mouth Both of us thinking: I work with an idiot"
"What do you call Jay-Z having a leg transplant? A hip-hop hip op."