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Joke of the Day

"Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode."

"A man carrying a tombstone walked up to a skeleton taking a break from his casket. He asked the skeleton, ""Is it okay if I leave this tombstone here?"" The skeleton replied, ""Yes, over my dead body."""

"What'd the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam!"

"My father told me a joke. How many Germans does it take screw in a lightbulb? He said Nein My dads jokes are the wurst I tell you."

"My Ex-Wife My ex-wife and I could not reconcile our marriage because of religious differences. She thought she was God. I disagreed."

"I would never take candy from a stranger, but I'd probably follow a trail of bacon straight into the back of a windowless white van."

"What do you call it when the robot from Futurama gets in a minor car accident while wearing a dress? A gender bender Bender fender bender."

"Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes."

"You know what they say about non sequiturs... I LOVE pineapple upside down cake! (I just made this up today, and I'm so proud. I told my coworkers, but they told me to stop doing drugs.)"

"If a bear tries to attack you in the woods, give it your bicycle. Maybe it's one of those circus bears, you never know."