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Joke of the Day

"How come old clothes are ""vintage"" but old people are ""nasty over-entitled thugs whose blind selfishness mortgaged America's future"""

"When cows jump over barbed wire fences.... there is udder destruction!"

"I dumped my girlfriend, Ruth, the other day. I told myself I'm just gonna be Ruthless in love from now on."

"Trump Jesus asked the Devil if he'd made a deal with Donald Trump. The Devil said they'd negotiated for a while but eventually he gave up and just let Trump buy him out."

"How many optometrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One or two? One.... or two?"

"Rob Zombie is a good musician but also a great way to make money when the undead rise from their graves"

"I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years party... When you hear an arab counting down from ten your instincts kick in."

"What's a programmer's favorite drug? Codeine."

"Good cop: where's the body? Bad cop: answer him! *pounds table* Jenga cop: God damn it!"

"How is ""Shark spotted swimming off the coast"" news worthy? Now if a shark was seen walking off the coast that's different."