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Joke of the Day

"I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years party... When you hear an arab counting down from ten your instincts kick in."

"You know who are great at shadow puppets? Deaf people."

"So a baby is named by his French, Chinese, and Redditor grandparents A. L'Mao"

"My Jewish friend invited me to go to his camp. Fuck that."

"Shoe store employee on phone w/ wife: ""Yea honey I should be home just in time for dinner"" *centipede walks in* ""You've got to be kiddin me"""

"If the majority of twitter's trending topics are any indication of the state of humanity thus far, we clearly need an asteroid intervention."

"I went to the Optometrists to buy some glasses the other day, you'll never guess who I ran into... Everyone."

"What's the best part about going in without a condom? The abortion."

"*cooks french fries on your greasy hair*"

"When I text someone in the same room as me, I stare at them until they get it..."