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Joke of the Day

"I treat my wife the same way I treat a bottle of ketchup... I always take the top off, flip it upside down, and hit it has hard as I can."

"Pretty sure I just did some classical ballet move as I got off the computer chair to get to the kitchen and saw a spider on my floor."

"Did it hurt when you were circumcised? I don't remember the pain but I couldn't manage to walk for a year after."

"A guy walks in a library and sees a chunky chick in his favorite spot Guy: Hey I'm Drew, whats your name? Girl: Paige Guy: Paige huh? Well...you look like a whole fuckin book!"

"Why did Ms. Frizzle get fired from teaching Sex Ed? She told the class to take chances, make mistakes, and get messy."

"What's the difference between a catholic and and a catoholic? One is devoted to following to rules laid down by those who consider their will that of the divine. The other is a type of christian."

"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side"

"An interesting twist on a classic. (x-post /r4chan) http://i.imgur.com/UvBlxDK.png"

"What do you call it when you run out of seed? Endosperm."

"They say if you choose a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life. I have to work tomorrow."