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Joke of the Day

"What's worse than passing out and waking up after a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced."

"Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head? The tomato was in a can."

"I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person. That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work."

"Did you hear about the guy who ate so many creole sausages that he had a fatal heart attack? They were his andouille-ing. [I'll see myself out...]"

"I'm my own boyfriend when it comes to farts"

"What's the difference between an oyster fisherman with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea? The fisherman shucks between fits."

"Two snares and a cymbal falls off a cliff BADUMTSSSS"

"Why are redneck murders hard to solve? No dental records and the DNA is all the same."

"""WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS GOING ON? IS THAT RAIN? OH GOD I WISH I HAD EYES"" - Worms"

"If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive... ...they would eventually find me attractive."