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Joke of the Day

"How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh? Ten tickles"

"Stop calling it ""sweater weather"" and call it what it really is, ""I don't have to shave my legs for 6 months weather."""

"Drop what you're doing right now and go take a look at tonight's moon in the iPhone weather app. Gorgeous."

"I went to the bar with my 21 year old girlfriend... They called me a pedophile because I was 42. That totally ruined our 10 year anniversary."

"What does a chef call an undercover cop? Pig in a blanket."

"Did you hear about the man without a penis? He came out of nowhere!"

"There's 4 and a half inches of light snow outside ...or as most the men on Tinder would have me believe, 8 inches and really thick."

"Why Gordon Ramsey hates WWE Because it's f*cking RAW"

"Everyone on the planet is such a hypocrite and so self-centered Oh, except for me of course"

"Michaelangelo: Yea, sure, I'll paint your ceiling. *To himself* Errybody gon be naked tho."