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Joke of the Day

"Everyone on the planet is such a hypocrite and so self-centered Oh, except for me of course"

"You left a note on the fridge saying ""This isn't working. Goodbye"" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don't get it."

"When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute"

"We would tease Jacob because he had glasses. Once we pulled them of him, but then he began to tease us because we had glasses."

"DATING TIP: Girls love sensitive guys. Loudly wince when she touches you. Re-apply sunblock 38 times. Bring up how often your gums bleed."

"in hindsight, ms. frizzle taking a bus of children inside of an unsuspecting person was not ok. one of those rascals peed in his body."

"Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section? A: Half a measure."

"Hey Febreze, I don't go around with garbage in my car, but if nobody could tell I just smoked a joint in there, I might buy some."

"I'm gonna steal a bunch of Jesus fish off minivans and then put them back three days later."

"Why did the lobster blush? Because the see weed."