9692

Joke of the Day

"a bunch of us teens are going out to the forest to burn a piece of paper that says 'responsibilities' on it. for symbolism"

"What does Matthew McConnaughey call Nazis when he's trying to bring them into the mainstream? Alt-right, alt-right, alt-right"

"DOG: she keeps using heart emojis when we text DOG FRIEND: which color heart? DOG: *shows friend phone* the gray one DOG FRIEND: omg"

"why do feminists have two more brain cells than a cow? so when you play with their tits they don't shit on the floor."

"If a man strikes thee on one cheek, turn to him the other. Then, having shown thyself impregnable to cheek attack, beat the crap out of him."

"How do you find a blind man at a nude beach. It's not hard"

"Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying? A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one."

"I have two tickets to the Euro's final.. problem is it's on the same day as my wedding... So if anyones interested it's at St.Peters church in Brighton and her name is Sarah."

"What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables? Lettuce pray."

"My daughter asked if I am going to die someday I said ""Don't worry sweetheart. I promise I'll be alive for the rest of my life."" She looked relieved."