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Joke of the Day

"I called my boss this morning... Me: Sorry, I'm not going to make it in today, I'm sick. Boss: How sick are you? Me: Well, I'm in bed with my mother."

"My roommate said he gets laid ten times more than me. 0x10=0"

"Divorce lawyers all over the world are rubbing their hands together in glee now that Twitter DM has a picture function."

"What's the best part of a pregnancy joke? The delivery."

"What is brown and sticky? A brown stick. Bonus: what's red and fluffy? Red fluff."

"I remember when the M in MTV stood for Music not Maternity."

"What do you call a German rice cake? A reich cake"

"Two bananas are sitting on a river bank.. A turd comes floating by. The turd says "" come on in guys, the waters great!"" The one banana looks at the other banana and says ""you believe that shit!"""

"How can you be sure you have counterfeit money? If it's a three-dollar bill you can be sure."

"I would like to congratulate Amy Winehouse on almost 4 years of sobriety."