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Joke of the Day

"I took a poop today that didn't flush... That shit was revolting."

"What's cold and scary?! I-scream!"

"If I had a dollar every time someone called me sexist... I'd have enough money to sponsor the repealing of the 19th Amendment."

"I didn't sleep a wink last night because my neighbor was screaming her head off. I think she doesn't like my basement."

"My coffee reminded me of Ferguson today Dark and full of shots."

"Excuse me ma'am could you tell me the date? Because you're a total 10/10!"

"Rednecks can't describe large areas as expansive... Listeners will just wonder why they paid so much for it."

"Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark."

"Masturbation is great. - I know that from first hand experience."

"Normally I hate those trashy, fake, rigged reality TV shows... But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway."